Attempting to Speak French

I took French in high school from a wonderfully crazy teacher named Madame Lucas. I had a fairly good grasp of the language and even dreamt in French once in awhile. High school was a long time ago though, and I don’t ever use French in my daily life. When I decided to come to Paris, I wanted to get Rosetta Stone but it was too damn expensive. I bought a couple books and figured I would do my best to cram, immerse myself in the culture, and get better just by trying really hard. I didn’t take into account the fact that I would be so nervous. It’s like my brain knows what I want to say, but when I try to speak French, I start sweating, my mind goes blank, and what comes out is a mumbled jumble of random words.

A friend of mine suggested I try a pâtisserie down the street from my apartment. He said it was the best in the neighborhood, so this morning I decided I would go there, buy buttery poofs, and try to get them to like me so I could go back often and be that sweet American girl who’s visiting for a few weeks. Maybe they’d even invite me to observe the morning baking! I figured out how to say “my friend said your pâtisserie is the best” and repeated “mon ami a dit de votre pâtisserie est la meilleure” over and over again in the safety of my apartment. When I got to the shop, I waited for a quiet moment and approached the counter. The sweating started, my mind went blank, and I mumbled something along the lines of “mon ami pâtisserie meille.” The woman smiled and replied, “Je ne parle pas Anglais.”

It’s been cracking me up for the last hour. I did manage to get a few pastries and will definitely return. Maybe next time I’ll practice saying something really random to break the ice, such as “are there many unicorns in Paris?” That’ll surely win them over.

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